Things Keddie Is Into
1. The Night Fighters Motorcycle Club. This is my motorbike gang. We basically burn around town in formation, stir shit up, play pranks on little old ladies in Ikea… you know.
2. Yoshi, my new Japanese roommate. Yeah, my old roommate was pretty cool, but he was no Japanese. Since my new roommate moved in, I have learned a lot about the Japanese. Did you know that all Japanese are born from their mothers in chestnut sized eggs, and then later hatch? And as young children, they are forced to read miniature books, because they themselves are miniature. Yosh is fully grown now, but he still fits into his sleeping pod which slides into the wall.
3. My new hookah. If you don’t know already, a hookah is a bong-like device that is used to smoke flavoured tobacco called shisha. You might’ve seen a caterpillar reclining on a giant mushroom cap
using one in Alice in Wonderland. Inhaling shisha smoke is like breathing flavoured air. It’s quite nice, and very relaxing. Ok, enough of the virtues of the shisha and its lovely assistant Ms. Hookah, lets get to business. Have you ever wanted to show the world your love for your hookah? I know I have. Well do it now with your very own “I heart my hookahmaphone” badge. Put it on your satchel, your backpack, your friend’s backpack. All for a mere $10CAD, S&H not included. Send your orders to email@example.com right now! now! now!
4. Electric bus sparksI love when the electric trolley buses arc on the power lines. It’s things like this that give a city character… like steam pouring out of manholes.
5. And finally… Shawna Beeslay. Shawna is an awesome musician and a friend and one day she’ll be famous and I’ll be able to say, “I saw Shawna play in a small venue back when she was still called Shawna Beeslay.” Don’t forget us little people Shawna! Bonus. Camp
I almost forgot. I heart camp. In August, Ard, Shawna, Owen, Corrina and I were counsellors at a camp on Anvil Island. I had the best time of the year… easy! And we were blessed.
Things Keddie Is NOT Into
1. My excessive speeding ticket.
I’m not mad at the cops this time… not like the time I got a ticket for riding my bicycle through a red light. That made me turn green and so big that all my clothes ripped off except for the part of my pants around my crotch. This time, I deserved it, but $483 is sure a bummer. I consider myself lucky in light of the situation, which was:
-me, Darren and Michael at a red light-light turns green-I rev up to about 8000rpm do a short peal out and take off, meanwhile, Michael does a burn out that rotates his bike close to 90deg to mine and nearly t-bones me.-I quickly reach ***kph [ed note: 160kph, come on Keddie be proud of your misdoings], then I slow down to let the other NFMCers catch up, but alas, they never did.
-$483 and just shy of a street racing criminal charge.
We don’t know how, but the cops saw everything. So I’m gonna have to reserve the blitzing to deserted country roads I think. If you want to keep Keddie rippin’ it, and I know you do… buy a hookah badge.
2. Sweetening coffee with Coke.
Don’t try this. I know it sounds like a brilliant idea, but in fact, you need to put in so much Coke to make the coffee sweet enough that it makes it taste like vomit.
3. The not into list.