Things Keddie Is Into

1. Shoes on power lines.
Man, I want my old shoes strung up on the powerlines. It happened when I was a kid, then it stopped for twenty years. I was in london, ontario last year when I first saw the new wave… a dozen shoes were strung up on the powerlines just above the university gates. I figured it was a few of the many flunkies from the famed saugeen residence who stole their house’s shoes.

2. Cornbread
Ever since I saw that movie where Tom Hanks had a urinary tract infection I’ve craved it… cornbread, not a urinary tract infection. The movie was A Green Mile. That big black guy was wrongly put on death row (what’s new?) and Tom Hanks was the prison gaurd, but there was something special about that big black guy,… he could raise a mouse from the dead by holding it in his hands, or cure Tom’s painful UTI by the ‘laying of the hands’ on his scrotum. As a reward, Tom’s thankful wife baked the dude some cornbeard. It wasn’t until a couple weeks ago that I finally achieved cornbread worthy of being such an award.

3. Sewing
Ahh like it, ah like it alot. Our roommate just taught me how to use her sister’s Pfaff sewing machine that’s conviently located in our appartment. Pfaff makes the best, btw. I’ve sewed a wallet holder for my pannier, next I’ll make a hat. Then pants.

4. Triumvirate
It’s a group or association of three. My triumvirate is ginger, honey, and lemon. There’s quadrumvirate too, but why is there no pentumvirate?

5. Napoleon Dynamite
Heck yes! This movie will be a cult classic, make sure you see it or you won’t get the endless repeatative jokes all your friends will be making. My friend’s twin brother looks exactly like Napoleon, I asked him to join my gang cause he’s pretty good with the bow staff.

Things Keddie Is NOT Into

1. Darwin awards
People. Nobody strapped a JATO rocket on to an impala and obliterated on the side of a mountain. Nobody blew himself up while lighting a cigarette when sitting of a toilet full of gasoline. These stories are stupid. And the ones that are true just aren’t funny anymore.

2. Lotto
aka, the idiot tax. I guess you can consider it a charitable donation to the government.

3. Bush
Please don’t vote for him.

4. Hard ass publishers
Ardarvin is one hard ass publisher. He reminds me of Peter Parker’s boss, J. Jonah Jameson… always got a burning cigar in his hand, yelling at me all the time. “Brown! Where’s my damn list! The list!” Take a chill pill ardy. Geez. I got your list, it’s right here.

5. With so many things in the world that I’m so not in to, what should I choose for number 5? I will choose: dog poo on the shoe.