Hello ArdArvin!

First, let me tell you how very pleased I am to have found your site tonight. Buildering is a thing I’ve been doing since I was 16, but it’s always been my little secret since I didn’t know others were doing it also. Plus I read somewhere it could make you go blind.

I just moved to Vancouver a month ago, and so I think it would be great if you could put on your website your top 10 list of problems in the Vancouver and UBC area. It would help me a lot find the best spots to builder. You could make a small description of each problem, give stars, put pictures up, the shits. I have access to a digital camera if you need assistance in all of this. Of course, once the web page is up and running, people will be drawn to buildering like the stupid bunch of sheeps they are, and so it will be important to regularly replace the real top 10 list with a phony one, complete with absurd pictures and crazy beta. After all, disinformation is the best way to protect buildering from attracting too much attention.

Attached to this email is a donation of $26000 to help the Buildering Access Society in these difficult time. Keep up the good work, and take pride in working in the shadows so that others can pull on concrete. Ciao!

-Smooth Operator


Dear Smooth,

I just came back from the Fairview Pub. Nice place. They give you lots of coasters. Ever tear up a coaster? It’s oddly satisfying. I’m a little buzzed. Ever have cognac? I think that’s how you spell it. I saw a bottle in the liquor store for $1600. I could probably get addicted to heroin for less — ya know, if I wanted to. “If you’re gonna ride…don’t ride the white horse.” Doo doo doo doo-da-loo.

I had cognac tonight. Not the $1600 stuff, but I still paid $7.50 for an eyedropper’s worth. I think it was good, I can’t remember. All I can taste right now is beer. I’m not an alcoholic, but Bukowski is cool. Actually he just drank cheap shit. I suppose that’s the sign of a true alcoholic — maximize your buzz-per-dollar ratio.

Buildering.net does not promote drinking. Or having fun. I will not use your attached $26000 to buy 16 bottles of cognac. I think the brand was Louis the XIII or something.

-Ard

PS: I’m always looking for people to climb with. Send me a photo of you naked and I’ll decide if you’re fit enough.

Hi Ard Arvin!

Here is the photo you requested. Unfortunately I am not nude, but I rather chose to pose in my favorite white slip. Doesn’t it look classy? It is by far my favorite buildering outfit, it gives me unsurpassed freedom of movement, plus you should see me top out in those.

So, when are you going to builder next? I’ve been preparing for some buildering fun for a while now, using the very latest in deep meditation to visualize myself running away from police officers and their dogs.

-Smooth Operator

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