Subject: RE:

I am Mrs. Shanna Arthur, a Christian. I have made you a beneficiary of my funds,no upfront fee requested. Please contact me for more details. Private contact email:

Money money money money, MONEY! Some people have got to have it. Some people really need it. Listen to me y’all, do things, do things, do things, bad things with it. You wanna do things, do things, do things, good things with it. Etc. Etc.

But I promise Shanna, as a Christian, I’ll do the latter. So just how much money we talkin’ here Shan-dog? I need to prepare for the scale of goodness I’m about to unleash. Like you know, buy my girlfriend a puppy vs. bring peace to the Middle East.

I just watched In Time, starring my man Justin Timberlake. It was good. In Time is JT’s Bourne Identity. I mean, it’s nowhere near the same league of a movie, but it’s the movie where we all realize, “damn…this actor is actually pretty good.” Sorry for the salty language my Christian sister — it just just kinda rolls off the keyboard. Especially when I’m excited. Which I am. For JT.

There’s this line in the movie where the antagonist says, “For a few to live forever, many must die. Where would we put everybody?” I get that. I’m a dyed-in-the-wool utilitarian, and we’ve got WAY too many peeps in the world. Did you know we just broke 7 billion? [Insert sound of solo birthday tooty thing here.] JT though, he’s straight up idealist badass, and shoots back, “No one should live forever if even one person has to die.” Bam! The rest of the movie is kinda shite, with JT and the obligatory hot chick going about redistributing the wealth, until the final scene where everyone skips rope with Chairman Mao in Tiananmen Square. Communism, it’s so hot right now. All those have-nots wanting what the haves have. But the big Q here Shananananana is are you the 1% or the 99%? ‘Cause if you’re the latter, then you can just go fuck right off. Take your dirty hippie money and go buy yourself something nice or something. I’m all about the REAL CHANGE.