This dude gives me a boner. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie of homelessness. She’s the one on the left.

I often dream of becoming homeless. To me, the homeless-by-choice subclass of the larger homeless person genus are the kings of modern day civilization.

No work, people give you free food and money, fresh air, no work, a lean and mean physique, no work, no taxes, no work. I consider myself quite resilient, so the sleeping outside thing wouldn’t be an issue. I’m never bored, so scratch that. I have a healthy disrespect for the *normals*, and as such I’m impervious to their disdain. I’m pretty clever, and could quickly learn to milk the different systems, stay safe, and protect my few possessions. Like the guy in the photo: he’s got shit figured out. He’s happy and reaping the rewards of his brilliance.

My desire to be a bum works wonders when talking with them. This is beneficial when happening upon one in the presence of a woman. Females mistake my easy going camaraderie with compassion. Little do they know it’s out of respect and envy.

The whole cops thing would suck though. Cops suck enough as it is, but when your life is on the street and you’re the target of a their misplaced aggression for being entirely average in life, it really sucks. I’ve seen an undercover cop walk up to a sleeping bum and kick the shit out of him. Why? Because he was sleeping outside, which is illegal in Vancouver. He fought back a bit, until the cop said “don’t you fucking dare, I’M A COP!” Plus he got a $75 ticket. If he doesn’t pay the $75, he goes to jail and Angelina (on the left) goes to the pound. It’ll cost Brad another $200 to bail her out, or else she gets put down. Cops know bums haven’t got the money to bail out their dogs, so they use this as a scare tactic. Being a bum is expensive — that’s why I’m saving up.

So what prevents me from selling all my possessions and taking to the streets? I’m too big of a pussy I guess. Fear of the unknown. Also, I have a slight moral quandary over being a parasitic element to society. However, given the state of present day society, I can’t say I’m awfully proud to be a contributor.

Ultimately though, I think after the wheee-i’m-camping-out mentality wore off I’d realize that it’s a pretty harsh lifestyle, one that takes decades off of your life. I don’t want to look like I’m 65 at 40. There you have it: vanity is the biggest reason I don’t want to be a bum. Of course if you are a Colin Farrel doppelganger like our man in the photo here, you’ve got nothing to worry about.

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3 Responses

  1. fnose43 Reply

    I’m having similar dreams. Perhaps it’s becoming a common thing in this mad society. :hippie: I’d like to try it at some point, maybe for a few months, maybe for a year, but I’m a bit wussy too. There is a problem: something like this shouldn’t be tried while having the possibility to easily return back to the “secure normal life”. One should really get rid of all of one’s possessions and riches, and have nowhere to return to. I guess I’ll have to go with the milder version, which people (at least those living on the street out of necessity) will probably condemn as narcissistic experience hunting, which it won’t be, at least not meant to be, it will be trying to walk in their shoes and to really understand their situation, and honour it. It will likely be very life changing.

    As for being parasitic… You don’t need to beg for anything, and even if you do, it’s people’s own choice to give you something, or nothing. If people keep throwing perfectly good food and items into dumbsters, taking good use of it all should only be considered a good idea, and it harms nobody. In the end, I don’t think there’s anything parasitic in it, you may not produce much for society, but you aren’t taking much from it either.

    Yeah, it’d really suck to end up in prison for only sleeping outside and not being able to pay the ticket. Are there any other legal problems? If a person has no place to live and no income, is he still required to pay the government some kind of tax?

  2. samuelstanislas Reply

    Interesting question: does someone with absolutely no form of income still pay taxes? And what does move on mean? Should poor people always be on the move?
    __________________
    Samuel Stanislas, part of the [link deleted] team.

  3. Anonymous Reply

    Hi. I’m a girl who randomely met ard in Chicago a couple months back.
    This guy is awesome. Oh yeah and ard too I guess… 😀
    Start being homeless in the summer it prepares you for winter, and don’t stay somewhere that gets really cold/snows for your first time.
    Being homeless doesn’t necessarily entail always being on the move, but it helps. You spend a few days busking and panhandling in a town, you’ll be recognized and people won’t belive your story, whatever it may be, plus, there is so much to see, why not hitch a ride to the next site?
    Only hop trains with experienced people unless you’re experienced, it’s more dangerous than it seems and watch out they’re installing new sensors in rail cars that stop the train if there is movement. Only hop with steel toed boots unless, again, if you’re experienced or want to slip to your impending death.
    Don’t trust anybody. No matter what.
    Panhandle those who come OUT of establishments, not people on their way IN; they’re more likely to complain to management.
    As long as you have a lighter and a knife, you can get by without anything else… but it really really really sucks.
    Pack light; tarp, rope, sleeping bag, fork, can opener, pan, water bottle and if you want to get fancy bring a flashlight.
    Take care of your feet
    Life doesn’t get any better when you’re kicked down, (given), freshies, (fresh pair of socks).
    Homebums are harmless and they suck. Avoid them because they’re very ignorant and will most likely draw negative attention, police, etc.
    Whiskey keeps you warm and full if you’re starving, broke, and cold.
    A 40 is the next best thing and costs $2

    This is a big one if you’re really needing cash for a bus ticket, supplies, etc. AND only unfortunately if you’re in the states and happen to have food stamps (which won’t even work for me; I don’t have them)
    Search through the trash and find a reciept within the last half our or so with exchangable items on the list.
    Buy the items with the food stamps
    Use the reciept you found in the trash to exchange the goods for cash.

    Unfortunately, alot of the situations I found myself in and people I met, were homeless by choice and made A LOT of money by playing the part, looking pathetic, plucking the heartstrings and acheiving through others’ guilt. It’s more like a game. Most people I’ve met who are actually struggling and really trying to get on their feet don’t admit it, and don’t show it, which is more respectable than a dirty kid who’s just makin his rounds to the next town where he can find a dirty woman and get fucked up. It’s tax free, commitment free, and most important, responsibility free.

    I believe working at Taco Bell and putting up with fat morons is WAY easier than finding a safe place to sleep in a dangerous city, scrounging for food like a rat, and playing the part for sympathy, just to make it through the night and try to get at least a couple hours of sleep so you can wake up when the sun does, and do it all over again. and again.

    sorry for the long comment.

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