Man Shot In Disagreement Over Sandwich

Ard Arvin.

AP - A local Vancouver man died late last night after an altercation with police. Ard Arvin, 32, was tasered, pepper sprayed, shot, and urinated on by Vancouver police at Subway restaurant's 1255 Granville location. The names of the officers involved are being held pending an internal review. Witnesses say Arvin became irate while ordering a sandwich. Sandwich artist Deiter Kloon says, "He wanted more olives, but I already gave him the maximum allowed by management." When Kloon refused Arvin's request, Arvin called 911, demanding an officer be sent down at once. "They won't make it my way. That's their motto, and I'm not leaving until they give me more olives." The 911 operator tried to console Arvin, informing him that "My Way" hasn't been a Subway slogan since 1990.

Security footage reveals that Arvin jumped over the Subway sneeze shield. "I'll make it myself!" Upon VPD officers' arrival at the scene, Arvin was still piling olives on his sandwich, muttering unintelligibly. Arvin was ordered to lay on the ground. Instead he grabbed a patented Subway curved bread knife (used to cut bread in the older "u-gouge" style). Fearing for his life, one of the officers tasered Arvin three times. Possibly due to methamphetamines or other illegal substances, the taser had little effect on Arvin. He moved toward the cash register, picking up a stapler. "I have no idea what it was doing there," says Kloon, "it certainly wasn't my stapler." Charges are pending against the restaurant for unauthorized possession of a restricted weapon.

What happened next is difficult to determine, as an incorrectly discharged pepper spray canister incapacitated all in the restaurant. Witnesses claim to have heard gunshots next, but officers insist Arvin fired first. "Audibly, the difference between a stapler and a firearm discharging is virtually indistinguishable to a civilian", states VPD forensic expert Jonathan Smirthy. Security footage is garbled at this point, which Smirthy attributes to aging recording equipment.

Arvin was shot 13 times in the face and died at the scene. An autopsy is scheduled to determine the cause of death. Officers suspect Arvin may have had a pre-existing heart condition. No officers were harmed in the incident, although one of the officers with a previously undiagnosed incontinence problem relieved himself on Arvin. "I couldn't help it," the officer claims, "I was scared to death."

Incontinence amongst adults is no laughing matter. Over 1 in 20 Canadians suffer from this debilitating medical condition. For more information on how incontinence affects you, please visit the Canadian Continence Foundation, www.continence-fdn.ca, or talk to your family doctor.